The End Could Be Here Tomorrow! Are You Saved?

“Are you saved? Are you born again?” These are questions asked by mostly well-meaning people worried about the status of your soul.  I understand the concern, but…

What is it exactly we are being “saved” from? Is it the big sin the bible says Adam and Eve started mankind with? So is God a masochist? I mean think about it, he gave them free will, and not only created the tree of knowledge of good and evil but had it growing in the middle of the garden with them.  He then peaked their human curiosity (curiosity he gave them) by forbidding them from eating from it, and apparently added a talking snake into the mix for shit and giggles.

Wasn’t it also God that said they would surly die from even touching the tree of good and evil?  Which to me seems a bit of a fib considering there are over 7 billion people on earth that would not be here had that been true. Although I suppose semantically it could be said that he meant they would be kicked out of Eden and dead to him, but then why did he not just say that?  It was actually the snake who told the truth, they did not actually die and apparently gained knowledge of good and evil just like he said they would.

Jesus is the savor sent by God and nailed on a cross in unbearable pain for three days to pay for some crap two people apparently started 100’s of generations prior to his birth.  Again, it is a bit masochistic, especially considering he did nothing wrong in the eyes of God.  Regardless, this selfless act by Jesus opened the door for salvation.  By asking him into your heart and adding a little water (or a lot, depending on which of the 1000 or so denominations one follows) you are “born again” with “Christian” attached to your name and a guaranteed ticket into heaven.

I am not saying that is not true, but then what is the point of God’s judgement?  Is this how the conversation for “Christians” go when they get to the pearly gate??

Angel: Name please.

Soul: Joe Blow-Christian.

Angel:  Okay Joe Blow, I see you have lied your way up the corporate ladder and cheated on your wife with your neighbor’s 17-year-old daughter.  You also called the police on a homeless pregnant prostitute to have her removed from the sidewalk in front of your building, though you did give her 20 bucks for her services the week prior. Wow, I could go on and on, thank God you are a Christian. 

Joe Blow-Christian: No shit.

Angel: Well, as you know you still have God’s judgment coming, let me check something…Yep, just like the Christian before you, you’re grounded for your first two weeks in Heaven, no TV or video games during that time.

Joe Blow-Christian:  Are you freaking serious? Awe come on man, can’t you do something I’m gonna miss the Big Brother season finale.

Angel: Well, I see you did spend an hour in church each week, so we can release the restrictions on the TV, but still no video games for two weeks.  (:

Why do people add “Christian” to someone they are recommending I use for some kind of service.  It’s always like… “Oh, use my mechanic Joe Blow, he’s a Christian you know.” Sometimes I want to say, “First, nope I did not know that.  Second, I so do not care and I have no clue what gave you the idea I would, especially considering I worship Satan.”  (;

Just once I would love to do that, the look would be priceless.  However, even though I don’t care if someone is a Christian or not I don’t really worship Satan and I am not that big of an asshole so I will never say it out loud.  It will have to remain an inside joke between The Big Guy upstairs and me.

I am sure what I said could be considered blasphemy in some religious circles concerned about saving souls from the big sin, and I mean no disrespect.  Ultimately I respect everyone’s right to believe in anything they want, I am just saying sometimes people need to open their minds. If you follow anything blindly you might walk off a cliff, follow what Jesus actually did and walk this earth in truth and love and you might be amazed at what is out there.